Tuesday, June 24, 2008

New Creationist Ploy: Dinos Exist!

This is a new (to me) tactic of creationists: Dinosaurs exist in Africa! In 2002, Dr. Richard Paley (teacher of Divinity and Theobiology!) supposedly accompanied an expedition to find dinosaurs living in Africa:

This Summer (2002), I was blessed to be able to take part in some very important fieldwork which I would like to share with my readers. In order to further support the theory of man/dinosaur contemporaneity, I and a group of fellow creation scientists mounted an expedition to the jungles of Africa to track down and bring back photographic evidence of a living dinosaur, thus proving that these Behemoths had indeed survived the Flood as scriptural analysis clearly indicates. [1]


My favorite part of his report is when he stops an evil atheist from shooting a dinosaur:

"Put down that weapon! The power of Christ compels you!" I immediately commanded, the words flowing through me as if from Above. The power of my rebuke startled both him and the Apatosaurus, causing the former to turn toward me and issue a blasphemous curse while the latter disappeared down the trail. Before Stubbingwicke could notice that his prey was escaping, I ran to head him off. Now between him and the beast, I dropped my gear, rolled up my sleeves, put my fists up and issued a challenge: "If you want that dinosaur, you will have to get through me first!" Seeing that he had no choice but to deal with me, Stubbingwicke dropped his weapons, uttered some more blasphemies, and came at me with his fists. As I engaged him in fisticuffs, I called out to Johnny to take the camera and hurry down the path to get a photo, which the now-panicked guide nevertheless did. [1]

But wait! It gets better:

Like most Atheists, Stubbingwicke was all tough talk, but deep inside he was weak since he did not have the Love of Christ to succor him and give him strength. His cynicism and disbelief proved no match for my Faith and I eventually had him on the defensive. As my fists found their mark as if by Divine guidance, he finally fell to the ground on all fours, too tired and beaten to give any more fight. I stayed my fists and stood over his pathetic, subdued form. More curious than angry, I asked him what he hoped to accomplish by killing the Apatosaurus. His reply, snarled from a bleeding cut lip, was as shocking as it was plausible, and I can still remember it verbatim:

"Do you seriously believe that we don't already know about these dinosaurs? Why do you think I agreed to come along on this little Christian adventure of yours? To make sure you don't get what you came for, that's why!" [1]

Exciting, ain't it!

My question to you, O' gentle reader, is simply this: Do you think a dead 'dinosaur' would be more valuable to science or religion? Thank goodness that Jimmy at least got a blurry image for the website!

-Safari Bob

[1] Dino Expedition 2002

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Monkey God Ascends to School Board

CNN is reporting that a Hindu Deity has been named chairman of a school board in India: "Hanuman, the popular god known for his strength and valor, has been named official chairman of the recently opened Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management in northern India" [1]. Apparently, after an exhaustive candidate search, all other potential administrators were found to be only human and paled in comparison to the possibility of a true deity as chairmonkey.

This could be a serious precedent for Intelligent Design proponents.

-Safari Bob

[1] Indian School Names Monkey God Chairman